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Must Not Love Kids  For the last two years, I’ve been single. It’s actually quite enjoyable. I don’t have relationship drama. I can have fun at parties without being attached at the hip to someone. And best of all, I don’t have to compete with video games for attention.
My parents, however, have their own theories as to why I’m single. My dad thinks I must hang out on the docks too much because I talk like a sailor. My mom, on the other hand, thinks it’s because I’m adamant about never having children. She pointed that out all of my male friends on Myspace said they “someday” want kids on their profile; mine clearly says “I don’t want kids.” She argues guys don’t want to waste their time on me knowing it will never work in the end. I always laugh at her and say guys my age don’t want to think about kids. They probably like that I won’t “accidentally” get preggers and get a ring and an M-R-S out of them. I never thought it was a big deal to date someone I knew I wasn’t going to marry. I base my decision to do dinner and a movie with someone on superficial things: his ability to pay, his looks, and possibly his sense of humor (see my piece on The Ladder Theory). Who cares if he has a crazy mother? She will never become my crazy mother-in-law because the relationship will end long before wedding bells chime. In the meantime, I can still enjoy a few dates and good times. But then one day the love-of-my-life-butwe’re- just-friends-because-he-doesn’t-know-Ilike- him told me a major reason why we are just friends is because he wants kids and he knows I don’t. As much as I hate to admit it, my mom may actually be right. Some people take the future of a relationship much more seriously than I do. I never consider important things like his potential desire to have children, his religious affiliation, or where he wants to live after graduation because it all seems so far off to me. But as I’m getting older, I realize it isn’t really that far. In high school, it is easy to ignore serious long term compatibility problems, but it’s harder to do so in college. While I think dating is to help determine what you are looking for in a spouse, I also think you should be wary of dating people you know aren’t what you are looking for. What good would come from me dating a guy who wanted to have enough kids for a sports team? After a while, things could get serious, but would never work and eventually end in heartbreak. So how do you avoid wasting time with someone who you know isn’t right for you? You could have a pre-date interview to find out everything you could possibly ever need to know about their future plans and how you fit into them. However, this comes across as rather forward and will probably freak your date out. Another option is to post exactly what you are looking for on craigslist and hope for satisfactory replies; just don’t expect too much. However, the best option is to separate deal breakers from things you really want. I would love to marry a guy who understands the Solow growth model, but I’m not going to say no to an otherwise perfect guy who doesn’t share my love for economics. Maybe your deal breaker is a huge nose, but you don’t mind guys with hairy backs. Whatever it is you are looking for, know that you can’t expect a person to change to meet your ideals.
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