 SAN DIEGO, CA (FCN) – The Bush administration is putting its full backing behind plans to complete the San Diego border fence, a policy which some experts say could reduce the flow of illegal immigrants by as many as three per year. Homeland Security Secretary Micheal Chertoff has agreed to new plans which supersede existing state laws with the auspicious goal of completing the fence.
“It’s never pleasant to step on the little guys,” Chertoff explained at a press conference, wearing a pinstripe suit and nicely pressed Van Heussen with a power tie despite the spring heat. “But when it comes to our national security, there is no limit to how mean we can be.” After talking with the media, Chertoff had his picture taken with several photogenic Mexican immigrants on their way south for deportation. “These children,” he said, pointing to some of the younger detainees, “are the future. But they are not our future.” Construction began on the most unpopular cement barrier since the Berlin Wall several years ago, but state regulations have stalled plans to finish the project. Immigrants, meanwhile, are undeterred by the administration’s pronouncements. “We’ve actually tunneled under most of what they’ve already built,” explained Pablo Gomez, a coyote working out of Tijuana. “Companies are bidding to install restaurants, hotels and even a gas station in the tunnel, so immigrants will be afforded all the comforts of America during their trip. I can’t wait for the grand opening.” Financial statements for ARCO show a great deal of land speculation on the border, Holiday Inn conducted a ground water survey and Sizzler has already created a Vice President level position for “Tunnel Food Safety.” “All this investment will do wonders for our economy,” said Mike Alabastro, a real estate agent. “If this administration is successful in building the fence, Chula Vista will lead California out of the sub-prime mortgage crisis,” he added, referencing a border town known for its house of ill repute. Not all are excited about the wall. Margaret Payez, a third generation San Diego resident and avid surfer expressed concerns about the view. “A twelve foot fence is pretty tall for flat land like what we have around here; I am going to miss looking out my window at the cardboard houses.” Still, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is willing to cooperate with Chertoff. “I would never have become ‘Governator’ if it weren’t for immigration. Maria and I are so thankful for immigration. Despite this, I will work with the Department of Homeland Security because Michael is threatening to go public with another embarrassing story from my youth.” With the roadblocks out of the way, construction is scheduled to continue what administration critics are calling “the great wall.”
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