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Sex, Fries & Videotape  Before I start getting onto the good stuff, I must make a public apology to the gardeners who were somehow offended in one of my previous articles regarding the trees around campus that smell like bad sex. Apparently, when I stated that, “Dear Mr. Gardener Man, if you planted these sex trees around campus, I hate you and I hate your ass face,”it was taken rather personally.
Allow me to explain. First, the “I hate you and I hate your ass face” is a line taken verbatim from a movie called “Waiting for Guffman” by Christopher Guest, a recommended rental. Second, it wasn’t a personal attack, because the last time I checked, “Mr. Gardener Man” is pretty non-specific. Third, the “hate” from that statement was not a personal attack, it was in regards to the fact that there are trees around campus that smell like, well*ass. Finally, I was not taking away from your job in any way; the work that you do around campus is much appreciated by the student body. I think that next time I should offer a warning with my article that states, “Caution: This Humor Article May Perhaps Contain Some Humor. Stop Taking It So Seriously.” Ok, now that that silly misunderstanding has been taken care of, I can get on to more important things. Like making you laugh. Anyway, it was brought to my attention by one of my good friends that there is a strange phenomenon that takes place every time you order some fries at the Summit.
Now imagine this, when you ask for an order of regular fries in your To Go box, how do you feel when you open it up, start eating some of them, only to find a lone curly fry hiding beneath the oppressive regime of the regular fries? Feels damn good. Feels like you’ve found the Ark of the Covenant doesn’t it? Now imagine the opposite, you order your healthy plate of curly fries, start munching away only to find a regular fry trying to blend in among its deliciously seasoned brethren. I mean, c’mon regular fry, just be yourself. No one’s going to judge you.  Now instead of hilarity such as listing that you are “married” to your roommate, you can now turn Facebook into a game of madlibs! 
Over Winter Break, Facebook implemented a whole new feature to its ever-growing repertoire. Now instead of just having random people as your friends on Facebook, you can now label each friend so everyone can see how you know each other. Now instead of hilarity such as listing that you are “married” to your roommate, you can now turn Facebook into a game of madlibs! Just pick random adjectives from the dictionary and plug them in. Imagine the possibilities! You can say that you “hooked up” with “Dave Pratt” and it was “post modern” or you hooked up with “Bob Saget” and it was “colorful.” You know, I knew from the first moment that this was going to be more annoying and as useless the poke feature. I mean what the hell is the poke feature even used for? All it ends up being is a repetitive poke war. I swear if Facebook was a little bit more like real life, then it should have come equipped with a punch feature. I hate the internet.
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Lifestyles 
