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Fear and Loathing on a College Campus

By: Mikey Vu - Lifestyles Editor

Monday, December 04, 2006

Wii True Hollywood Story: Murder, Hallucinogens, and more! Tonight at 8.

In the past week, as everyone should rightfully know by now, the Playstation 3 and the Nintendo Wii launched nationwide. In the preceding week, gamers, parents, and money hungry eBay’ers lined up, up to four days in advance to get their hands on the future of gaming. What ensued were fights over last copies and angered mobs over shortages. You got to love America when the only thing that can stir up a riot is a commercial product that can simulate golf in front of your television.

As many of you probably wondered, what the hell was Nintendo was thinking when they named their system, the Wii (pronounced “We”, as if you haven’t heard all the oh so hilarious puns by now.) I mean really, upon hearing the name for the first time, I figured that someone on the Nintendo marketing team had to be on some serious hallucinogens when they thought up that name. Yet it somehow all made sense when a friend of mine named “B-Rab,” explained to me his epiphany that, “You can’t say Wii without a smile naturally appearing on your face!” Coincidentally, he was under the influence of hallucinogens at the time, so maybe those guys in advertising do know what they’re doing. I mean, they did create a video game console where you can recreate bowling in your living room, except without the smelly shoes and mullets. Unless of course you have athlete’s foot and are of Canadian descent. Then you lose.

For those who care, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock, the couple that just barely won out the “Most White Trash” award from the recently divorced Kevin Federline and Britney Spears, have also jumped on the bandwagon and gotten divorced. Who would have thought? Tell me it ain’t so! B-but they had so much in common! I think they had a good thing going, I mean, you would be hard pressed to find a couple whose combined number of STDS were so great that they cancelled each other out. Right? Not quite Paris Hilton status, at least.

And in other dreg-worthy celebrity news, Michael Richards, or as most of you know him as, “Kramer” from the series Seinfeld, was caught on tape by an audience member, hurling racial epithets at black audience members that were heckling him, making statements like, “50 years ago, we’d have you upside down with a fork up your ass.” Tsk, tsk, tsk Mr. Richards. Perhaps this is why the half your lines on Seinfeld solely consisted of random outbursts of noise, like an ADD kid with Tourettes. And before you know it, Mr. KKKramer himself, is backpedaling faster than a seasoned politician. He appears on Late Night with David Letterman offering up the most forced apology I’ve seen since OJ Simpson. Looks like the only doors KKKramer will be bursting through now are the ones to the poor house.
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