 Does this make any sense to you? By the time this article comes out, the ever boding date known as Valentine’s Day will have passed, and everyone will officially be over it. The ones lucky enough probably went out to a nice dinner, received flowers of some sort that are probably sitting on their dresser slowly dying, or perhaps enjoyed a nice night at home. Others may have joined me in my singles awareness festivities, celebrating love the way it truly should be celebrated: tearfully, with alcoholic chasers. This is the last of my Valentine’s Day trilogy, so relish the fact that you don’t have to think about incorrectly shaped hearts for another whole year. </3
In any case, last week, a brand spanking new 99 Cent Store opened up in Stockton on the corner of Pershing and March. While some of you may be thinking, “99 Cent Stores? In Stockton? Surely you jest Mikey Vu,” but I speak no lies ladies and gentlemen. But what set the opening of this 99 Cent Store apart from the surprisingly high number of such thrift stores is that there was an actual line of people waiting outside for this particular store’s opening. Apparently, as a promotional offer, they were giving away Ipod Nano’s for 99 cents, causing people to line up, up to 3 days before the stores actual opening. Now let’s think about this for a second. Someone, somewhere, had three days to sit around in front of a 99 Cent Store, so that they could save $100 on an Ipod Nano. Besides the ludicrous nature of even camping out in front of a 99 Cent Store, the simple fact remains that the time you spent eating Cheetos, huddled in a tent, trying to keep your orange-stained fingers warm could have easily been spent making $100 at a minimum wage job.
But besides that nonsense, most Pacific students have been to these various thrift stores at some point or other, but what most people don’t realize is how strange they really are. Before we even get into the stores themselves, there are a few competing stores in the area such as “The 99 Cent Store” and “The Dollar Tree.” I mean, first off, that’s a pretty dick move. I am going to assume that “The Dollar Tree” was here first for the sake of this story, but it’s like the minds behind the 99 Cent Store just thought one day, “Hey. That dollar tree store is selling the same stuff we are. Let’s undercut their prices…. by one penny.” Really folks, this is the equivalent of that asshole contestant on The Price is Right that bids one dollar above the previous contestant.
Once you have finally made your decision on which store to enter, it’s a whole new ballgame once you step through those doors. Welcome to the world of defective products. In aisle one, we have what looks like a normal bottle of Febreze air freshener, and what a steal for one whole dollar! But, what is this… it’s cheese scented? What the hell is that? In aisle two, we have stupidly large four liter bottles of purple colored Orange soda and orange colored Grape Soda, that will both go perfectly with the Oreos in aisle three that don’t have any cream filling. That’s right, they’re essentially a box of dark Ritz crackers. And in aisle four, we have the stuff that you will never need in your entire life. From shoddily made pink hair to the knock off Power Ranger masks of the seldom seen “Fuchsia ranger”, dollar stores are filled with fun surprises if you know where to find them. Just remember my simple rule that you can apply not only to Dollar stores, but to life as well! And that is, “Will this kill me if I eat it?”
And that’s my two cents.
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Lifestyles 
